I once had a remarkable conversation with someone at a social event. A lawyer and I were happily chatting about many things, including what we each do for a living, when I, in response to a question, casually mentioned my advocacy for life learning (but certainly didn’t try to “sell” it.). All of a sudden, this man became highly defensive about his own children’s schooling arrangements and his own love of school. In fact, he went on and on, unable to enthuse enough about his schooling. He apparently loved school, did very well academically, played sports, had a great social life and made many lifelong friends, etc., etc. So, he stated emphatically, school was great for him and is great for his kids.

I just smiled, said I was glad he enjoyed school, that I did too, and then we moved on. However, I couldn’t help but chuckle as, throughout the evening, I picked up snippets of other comments from this very pleasant and gregarious man, which provided many hints about his real school experiences…and the fallout. He confessed in various other conversations to being science-phobic, to having no patience for – and actually “hating” – poetry and plays, to being overly competitive (and his wife not enough), and to wishing he’d had more time as a kid to daydream, to be in Nature. He laughingly (and seemingly self-approvingly) recounted a story about how his “in-group” of teenagers had bullied other kids (although that’s not how he presented it) and baited the teacher.

But school was great and he has no idea why I think it should be abolished in favor of a more respectful, learner-centered alternative. While I respect this man’s right to his memories and opinions, I feel sad that he hasn’t connected his regrets about himself with his childhood experiences. And I feel angry that he is unwilling to apply them to his own children’s lives. But I understand the implications of doing that: An examination of such issues would demand change, and going with the status quo is much simpler for most people. If adults admit to the damage done to themselves by their schooling, they would have to question sending their own children to school. And that could be inconvenient. So denial rules.