Most life learners don’t like to label their children – whether it’s using the alphabet soup provided by those who would drug children into submissive behavior or by means of school-style grades. So I’m always amused and disturbed in equal parts when the debate begins about what to call this sort of child-led, non-coercive, lifestyle that also – obviously – includes learning. Is it simply “unschooling”? Or is it more radical than that? Do we avoid that discussion and find new terminology like “life learning”? We all have our favorite term and can passionately defend it and explain why it describes our family’s way. Of course, we all know there is no one right way to learn or to live…and, oh yes, we don’t like labels. Nevertheless, we – often unconsciously – end up with a label that describes a set of parameters. And we are quite certain of what “breaks” those “rules.” Sometimes this is a good thing. It helps us locate like-minded people to hang out with, which can be comforting when our views are far from the mainstream. It also allows us to describe and discuss this lifestyle with others, while continuing to clarify our philosophy. But our attachment to these labels can be counterproductive. Putting ourselves in boxes can be divisive, creating barriers and sometimes even hostility within a community of people who really would be better off working together – or at least keeping the lines of communication open – in the face of mainstream opposition.

I don’t know what the solution is to this, except to continue to deschool ourselves, which should lessen our need for segmentation, ranking, labeling, and so on. We can also remember to be aware of how our use of these labels affects others with different beliefs and opinions, and to see the definitions as amorphous rather than rigid. Yes, that’s messy and can feel like we’re living with no boundaries, no assurances, no precedents, no guidance (and we are!). But it’s also exhilarating to know we’re at the leading edge of change – of progress – continually redefining how families can live together in a respectful manner. Best of all, it mimics how our children learn: experimenting, making mistakes, leaping forward, sitting back, redefining, locating their own unique path, and slowly finding the vocabulary to describe what went before.