The idea of life learning (or “unschooling” and its various subsets, as some prefer to label it) is elusively hard to understand. Many people have tried to define the concept and I’ve been observing a variety of discussions on the topic lately. I, too, have tried many times to define and describe it, although when our family was living the lifestyle in the 1970s and early 80s, we didn’t think to define it; we just lived it. I was aware at the time that respect for and trust in children played a big part in my parenting style. And I’d done a great deal of thinking and some reading about how children are natural learners who best absorb knowledge and perfect skills if they’re allowed to explore their own interests, follow their own curiosity, experiment, make mistakes and even be seen to be doing nothing.

Recently, my company Life Media has published a memoir by a life learning, natural parenting father about life with his three daughters who, like mine, are now adults. Here is how he describes the philosophy:

“I settle myself comfortably on the other end of the couch, in wonder at seeing them live, dance and sing in this daily harmony that developed among them so naturally. What did I do to make this flow so easily, like a bubbling fountain of life, without limits or end? There is a continuous feeling of joy to be with them, among them, surrounded by them. How did we do this? No. It’s more a question of what we did not do. How did we manage not to extinguish this serene flame in their eyes, this straightforward look that cuts like a skate blade in the packed down snow leading to the skating pond and these mouths that offer smiles overflowing with kindness when our eyes meet…these same eyes that can shoot bolts of lightning when faced with injustice or these mouths from which torrents of reproach flow freely when their dignity is offended? What did we do? Nothing. Perhaps it’s because we let things evolve naturally.”

However, in our action oriented culture, the idea of not doing – of just being – is not well accepted. In fact, some web writers have likened unschooling to “unparenting.” Presumably, to do stuff to kids equates with being in charge and that means you’re being a good parent. Letting things evolve naturally – albeit under our watchful eyes – doesn’t seem, to many people, like enough. Respect and trust are easy to talk about but, for most adults, they are too passive to be applied to life with kids. I hope that by encouraging the term “life learning” I am contributing to an understanding and eventual acceptance of letting children’s development and education evolve naturally.